Enough
by pepperingthepill
Summary: "And he knows, she looks like the first time he saw her, strong and vulnerable at the same time. She looks exactly like she did when he first fell in love with her." - Set in 6x21 and 6x22, chapter 5 up!
1. Chapter 1

**This is what happens when life is overwhelming. I haven't written anything in years and I have never written much, but I felt inspired (or whatever you call the feeling that gets you this kind of stuff out) this evening. I apologize for mistakes but I have no beta and I'm not an English native speaker. That said, this is how I envision the ending of season 6, even though I have very little data so I really have no idea what the hell is going to happen. But hey, that's the best part I guess.**

 **I really have no idea what I'm doing but I'm guessing this will be a couple of chapters long. I hope it's not too boring, cheers!**

 **P.S. I did use spoilers! But I really have invented most of it.**

 **Edit: I guess now that 6x21 has aired this is going to count as AU. I wasn't expecting that kind of ending for "San Diego" at all! Also I see now that Bob Day is never going to be kind with Nick, lol. The call on the show was very different from this one! I hope you can enjoy this even though it is so far from canon.**

* * *

 **I.**

They say breaking up is never easy, and yet this feels incredibly easy to him, almost liberating. But as he rides the elevator, he starts second-guessing himself as he is very used to do. Was that the right decision? Did he do anything wrong? Was it him and not her? Maybe he is just doomed to fail at every relationshio he has. Maybe he'll never be good enough.

He opens the door of the apartment and goes to his now emptier room, glancing at the one on the other side of the hallway, also emptier than it was only a week ago. He still cannot understand why his best friend would leave like this, saying nothing and not answering his calls, and he starts to wonder if he maybe did something wrong to her, too. If he disappointed her in some way, or if she just doesn't think of him as the person to go to for whatever problem she is having at the moment.

But she is his. She is the one he wants to talk to, once again. He wants to tell her about his terrible day, about the break up. He wants to tell her that he misses her, that he is going mad not knowing what has happened to her. So he takes his phone in his hand for the hundrendth time and calls her, for the hundrendth time.

He cannot believe it when he realizes she actually picks up the phone and he doesn't have to speak to the voicemail lady again. Except, this is not actually her. "Hello?" says a male voice from the other side of the line, and he is too confused to get what is going on. "Um sorry, wrong number I guess". He hangs up the phone, scrunching his face and checking the number again. But there is no number on the screen, it is just the good old "J-Day".

He panicks when _his_ phone starts ringing, and it is "J-Day". With a confused face, he answers: "...Yes? Nick Miller here?"

"Nick!" says the male voice again. "I'm Bob, Jess's father."

"Bob! Hi! What is going on? Is Jess okay?"

"No, not really. I mean yes, but she needed some time in her old town. The um... pressure for the new job as principal is killing her". Nick closes his eyes as a feeling of guilt forms in his gut. It's heavy and burning, and leaves him realizing once again that not only could he not be a good boyfriend, he couldn't even be a good friend. He got so caught up in his problems that he didn't realize she was having a hard time herself.

"Oh, no," he says. "I thought she was doing better now. I had no idea..."

"It's okay." Bob Day cuts him off, and only then does Nick realize that he is actually whispering, so he figures that Jess is probably there sleeping. "I have been taking good care of her and I think she is flying back to L.A. in a few days. You know, sometimes a bit of distance is all you need." Nick nods, almost unaware of the fact that he cannot be seen. "By the way, listen" he continues, "I know it sounds random but I just want to say that.. even after all these years, that I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"About um... all that mean stuff I said in the past. About you not being good enough for my girl."

"Uh... okay? Thanks?" He really doesn't know what to say at this point.

"Okay well, this is embarrassing. I just, you know, Jess talks a lot about you and I think that um... relationship or not, you're a good addition to her life. So I just hope you can take good care of her when I'm not there... she really needs someone to think of her when she doesn't. And... well, I'm done."

Nick still feels that guilt in his gut, but it is somehow lighter and it burns less. He just says "okay" and smiles a little, because this is Bob Day talking, the man who dared voice his own fears some years ago. And right now, he is voicing his own hopes. Hope of being good enough for someone, of being good enough for Jess, even if just as a friend.

"When is she coming back? Should I come get her? Would it be better?" he asks, already liking the idea of supporting her at this precise moment, lifting some weight off of her shoulders.

"Uh... better not. I think she would feel under pressure. She'll come back when she is ready."

Reluctantly, Nick accepts. "Okay, but can you tell her that I called and that I would really like to talk to her?"

"She knows," says the voice from the other side of the line. And with that, they both say goodbye and goodnight.

But Nick can't just go to sleep after that, he starts looking for flights to book, then stops, then does it again, then decides to go to bed for good. Maybe sleep will help get him out of his state. Because he doesn't know why, but he's got adrenaline. He's excited for something but he really has no idea what it is. The tips of his toes are tingling from the will to just get up and get on the first plane, and it is hard to fight that will. But then reality kicks in and it's then he knows that none of that would make any sense. Why would he do that? That would feel utterly romantic, it would be like running through the crowd to get to her kind of romantic. Like jumping over dogs to be faster, making your shoes squeak against the floor just to reach her as soon as possible kind of romantic. He knows he has absolutely no reason to act like that, he can wait patiently for a friend to come home. His spirit dies completely when he reminds himself of the break up, the pain, and the life he has spent doubting himself.

He sees her again two days later, she has a small suitcase in her hand and a big smile on her face. He figures Portland really helped her. He is sitting on the couch then, and he doesn't know why but the view seems familiar to him. He's seen her come and go so many times, but this time it looks different. There is resolution in her eyes, like she wants to move on from something, like she's ready for something.

And he knows, she looks like the first time he saw her, strong and vulnerable at the same time. She looks exactly like she did when he first fell in love with her.

She looks up at him. "Hey, Miller!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow so I really feel like the mood might be too heavy for New Girl, but I guess this is just how I feel about their whole situation right now. I would've loved some more angst/drama between them during the season (not just Jess suffering, I mean), and I'm not that satisfied. Please leave some thought if you feel like it. Also, constructive criticism is obviously more than welcome.**

 **And again, it contains some spoilers. **

**Enjoy (or try to)!**

* * *

 **II.**

She had a realization last night. She was walking through the streets of Portland, collecting cans because hey, if she was to ever go away for some days and be "selfish", she had at least to do something good for other people. Collecting cans would help her not only clean the streets of the city, but also get some money off of them for recycling, which she could then give to homeless people. The plan made her super happy and get in a good mood.

As she pushed the cart, getting tired but also satisfied at the look of how much she had collected, she saw some of the homeless people she was somehow trying to help. She looked at them for a few minutes and what struck her was... they were happy. It was a man and a woman, sharing a sandwich and just talking about random stuff. They might have not had a home, but they seemed happy. They seemed careless, exactly as careless as she wanted to be.

It was then that she realized just how much she had been holding back, how much she had neglected herself, and how much she was responsible for that invisible hole she felt in her chest. Her home, his home, their home. She couldn't live there anymore. She had to share a sandwich with someone else and somewhere else, because he had someone else to share his with.

* * *

She wakes up full of energy in the morning. Goes have breakfast with her father in a bar, chats with him a bit, shares her new view on things. She wants to tell Nick that she loves him, she has to. But she also needs to leave the apartment 4D, for her own good. Bob gives her his blessing, and she goes home to book a flight to L.A.. Because she's ready.

And she's indeed ready, but that doesn't stop her hands from being sweaty and her from feeling a little bit nervous about the whole thing. She loves her apartment, and she loves him, but it is time for her to do something about the situation. She deserves it and, after all, he deserves it too. He will need a good explanation for the boxes she is about to fill with stuff from her room, and she just can't keep lying to him.

"Hey, Miller!" She sees him on the couch and she's already breathless. She has no idea how she's going to do this, but she has to. He looks at her in a weird way, like he's trying to solve a riddle written on her forehead. She feels like this moment has already happened, but she has no idea why. She has never found herself in this situation before.

The look on his face vanishes as he beams at her. He then shouts her name in surprise, gets off the couch and goes in for a hug. She hugs him back, but doesn't lean on him for longer than two seconds, she doesn't want to make things harder.

"I thought you were never coming back! Are you okay?"

Jess can see that he is really concerned and thus feels sort of guilty, until she reminds herself that she has no reason to.

"Yes," she says, "I'm sorry I disappeared but I really needed some time alone."

"I'm sorry. I really didn't know you were still freaking out about being principal."

She is confused. "What?"

"What?" he is confused, too.

"What are you talking about?" she laughs a little with a quizzical look on her face, and for a moment, as he is laughing too, she forgets everything. She forgets that they broke up three years ago and that he is with someone else now, she forgets about their problems and their past fights. It's just them smiling like two idiots at each other, having no idea what is going on.

After a few seconds, he starts feeling some tension build up because of the moment they are having, and he is kind of relieved when Winston and Aly interrupt them, running out of Winston's room with her riding on his back.

"Daaaaaddy! Winston is about to meet his-" he stops singing when he sees Jess, and Aly hops off. "Jess! You're back!" He goes and hug her and tells her that he is there for her, for anything she needs. "Good ol' Winnie is always available for some nice talk, especially if that keeps you from leaving the apartment."

Jess bites her lip. It's time to drop the bomb. "Actually... I think I'm leaving it again, for good." She briefly looks at Nick when she says it, and she can see his face fall in disappointment and shock. And of course it would, she is his best friend too after all, and he has no idea where this is coming from. "Excuse me? What is going on?" Winston's questions bring her attention back to him, and she just has to answer as best as she can.

"You know it's just... You guys are getting married..." she says pointing to Winston and Aly, "Schmidt and Cece already moved out..." She doesn't know if she should keep going or not, if this would expose her or not. "And Nick and Reagan are also going strong and I... I just feel like I should start over somewhere else, do my own thing as an adult. You know?"

Winston looks at both of them, realizing Nick and Jess still have something to talk about. He purses his lips. "Well then, look, that's your choice. I am here if you need anything, but we can talk about this later." He then looks at his watch and at Aly: "We, uh... we actually have something to do right now. I'm meeting my father!" His voice breaks a little and he puts his right hand on his eyes as if to stop himself from crying. Aly smiles at that and holds his other hand.

"Wow, that's great!" exclaims Jess, as Nick comes back to planet Earth with a "Yeah, that's awesome, my man!"

Not hiding how proud she is, Aly explains them the weird stuff she had to do to find him, involving some full of hair lollipops and some surprisingly helpful individual found on Facebook, wearing an afro wig. Yep, that sounds totally random. They leave the apartment and Nick and Jess alone, dealing with an uncomfortable silence.

After a few seconds, Jess half smiles and decides to head to her room, to both start unpacking her suitcase and packing all her stuff. She would deal with love declarations later.

But then he stops her with a simple sentence. "We actually broke up." Shocked, Jess stops in her tracks and turns around. "Me and Reagan, I mean." "Oh," she says, and she really doesn't know what else to add. Except maybe that she is sorry, so she does.

"Yea it happened a few days ago and... you know, I didn't get the chance to keep you updated." He hopes the statement doesn't sound accusing, but maybe it does because her face gets a little more serious. "I'm sorry, I needed some time for myself."

"Oh no, I'm not saying anything like that!" He defends himself, taking a step forward. She reconsiders. "What I'm saying is... that you don't have to feel under pressure, you don't have to leave now! Winston is not moving out any time soon and Schmidt and Cece are practically here the entire time. ...Which really makes me wonder _why_ they would spend any money on buying a house."

They both laugh a bit at the absurdity of their situation, but also realizing how cute their little family is.

"I mean why the hurry?" he asks.

She gets serious again and looks at him with pleading eyes, as if begging him not to ask her these questions now. Not in this moment. "I mean it could be like the good old times, right? At least for a while, before actually moving on with our lives."

She realizes at these words that he also wants to move on, that he also thinks that their time will be up sometime soon. That he also knows they will have to part ways at some point. So any sort of hope fades, any sort of clinging desire to have him say he loves her back is gone. She knows he is never going to say that, because he simply doesn't feel that way.

"It can't be like the good old times, Nick. It's different."

"What is?"

"Well, I am."

Nick's getting impatient at her vagueness and empty words. "What are you talking about?" He doesn't want to but he raises his voice a little, so she does, too. "I am saying that I think it's time to grow up, that's it."

But ouch, that hurts. He certainly doesn't like to be told he needs to grow up, indirectly or not. Especially by her, as it brings back a lot of awful memories and a lof of chest pain. He nods, tight-lipped, says that she's right and that they should all move on and move out soon.

He walks past her and goes to his room, already regretting having this conversation. She looks at him, knowing she has just touched a raw nerve. She then calls after him:

"Wait."


	3. Chapter 3

**I know I said I would write about how I see S6 ending, but I actually don't see any of this happening (even though I really love food fights in general). I was just writing and then, I don't know, the fanfiction sort of developed by itself. I guess it has a life of its own! This, of course, also means that there are no spoilers involved this time. :)**

 **That said, thanks for the feedback I have received until now. Some more would be appreciated, especially on stuff like language, style, pace (I feel like it's moving too slow sometimes?), or whatever you like. But well, I'm having fun like this already. Thanks to whoever got to this chapter!**

* * *

 **III.**

"Wait," she says, but he is already gone. She lets out a sigh and decides it is better to let it be, have a real talk with him once she's rested a little. But she has just closed the door of her room and sat on her bed when he comes back rushing in, making her startle."Woah, what the hell?"

"Are you mad at me or what?" he asks, clearly agitated, sensing something is up but having no idea what exactly that is.

With a really surprised look she says that she is really not, why would she be? And he tells her all of the possible reasons he can think of. Some make absolutely no sense, others a little. But in all that useless talk, he shows no sign of recognition of her feelings. Because, the truth is, he really has no idea. The thought of Jess suffering for him can't even cross his mind because he knows very well how she wants more, how she _deserves_ more.

Standing up, Jess rolls her eyes at all his statements, half laughing because she really can't believe he thinks she would get mad at him for such things. "Nick, stop. Please." She interrupts him, and he's so frustrated because of that little smile she is wearing on her face, suggesting him that he really has no idea what he is talking about.

"I'm just really not in a good place at the moment. I am not happy with my life and I feel like I need to make a big change in order to start over."

He looks at her with a confused, questioning look. This can't be about the job, this is something broader and he knows, he can feel her misery on his own skin. They've always had this kind of connection. So he takes a few steps towards her, takes her hands in his, and takes a deep breath. His eyes fixed on her face, causing her pain in that precise spot in her throat.

She looks down for a moment, unable to stand his eyes, nor the presence of his body being so close to hers. Why does it have to be this hard? She wants this to be simple, but she knows it can't be. She knows as she raises her head again and looks up at him. She wants to kiss him so much right now it's crazy, and at the same time she really doesn't want to, because she fears that he wouldn't be there with her, on the same page, as he used to be.

"Look, why don't we get something to drink and talk later? I really need some rest now."

He purses his lips and nods. Their hands touch for a bit more, their fingers linger there just a second too long. Neither of them is sure who of the two is to be held responsible for how inappropriately too long this moment is. What is going on with them? They both feel something has shifted, but what he feels is confusion, and what she feels is hopelessness.

At some point, they just let go. He goes back to the other side of the hallway, and she goes back to breathing normally. After being unable to do so for a good five minutes.

* * *

"I bet you will not be able to stand up in less than one hour."

She looks at him through her glass of pink wine, while emptying it all at once. They are sitting at one of the booths of their _favorite_ bar, because nothing's quite like it in the city. "What makes you say that? I'm perfectly fine, I can handle it." Getting drunk would pose a real problem, she knows that, and she really doesn't want it to happen. But she feels like this is one of the last nights she can hang out with him, and a bit of wine seems like the only way to release the tension she's constantly feeling lately.

"I bet you won't talk to me about your feelings after the break up," she retorts. And there, she's already heading into dangerous territory. She sees his surprised look and shakes her head. "Sorry, I don't know where that came from. Maybe you're right, I really can't handle alcohol at all."

"Well, I can tell you, if you want." It's both surprising and just perfectly normal, just how comfortable he is talking to her about anything. Things have certainly changed in the past years. "Actually, I want to," he adds. She raises her eyebrows, curious about what he has to say next, and secretly wishing the reasons for the break up somehow involved her. She knows, really, that it's a stupid wish, but she can't help it.

"I think, for once... I was the one who wanted more." The amount of beer he's been drinking is starting to have an effect on him too, as he is dying to share information he wouldn't normally share. "I mean I had this beautiful woman. Smart, successful... everything. It was convenient, fun! Sure. But it's like..." he doesn't know how to go on. He might be a better talker now than he used to be, but he still isn't an expert.

Jess stares at him, wide-eyed and waiting for an answer. _What is it like? Is it like she's not me? Is it like you don't love her like you loved me?_

"...I don't know, like nothing was at stake. Does that make sense?" And he is sure, after saying the words, that they both perfectly know it makes sense. That they are both thinking about the fear that was constantly present in their relationship, since the beginning. The fear of ruining their friendship first, the fear of loving too much then, the fear of losing each other forever at last. And yet, there they are years later, talking about other exes.

Jess shifts uncomfortably in her seat, wondering if she's the only one who made the connection. Wondering if their break up still affects him as much as it affects her, even after all this time. She looks down, unable to conceal the strand of disappointment for not hearing him say that he was in love with her all along.

"I think we never really loved each other," he says, and she's hopeful again. It's like her heart is begging to be let free so it can burst out of her chest. He's staring into the distance, unaware of Jess's inner turmoil, but after a few seconds he is there again, very present, and looking directly at her. She's fidgeting with her glass, lost in thoughts. He wants to ask her if she is okay, but he doesn't, because he doesn't feel okay himself. In fact, he sees her there, sitting in front of him despite all their history, listening to his ramblings... and he feels _so weird_ about this. She is his pillar of strength, and she probably has no idea. And it is only then that he feels so stupid, for swallowing up his feelings for so long, for lying to himself so stubbornly. He just knows, it's just so clear. She is all he needs to be happy.

"I missed you."

Those three words bring her back to life. She looks up at him, and she is shocked even though she has really no reason to be. And then the look of shock is slowly replaced by a warm smile, until it turns into a fake laugh. "Haha.. why so serious?" She successfully tries to ease the tension, and he is now smiling too, just enjoying the moment.

"So, um... I bet you don't have the courage to drink some more shots with me," he challenges her with stupid stuff, he definitely can't stand the tension either. She thinks about it for a moment. Again, this is probably not a good idea, but what the hell.

"You really shouldn't bet on it," she says mischievously.

And who knows if it is a good idea or not, that is open to interpretation. But for sure, this is going to make a difference tonight.

* * *

Sometime between dancing on one of the bar's tables and trying to get naked in the middle of the street, she is pretty sure she is drunk. And that is just great, 'cause it's not like she runs the risk of blurting out an embarrassing "I love you" to her best friend. Who, by the way, doesn't seem to reciprocate.

They get home very late. He's helping her get through the front door, pushing her back lightly, and they both just can't stop giggling. They have no idea if they are being too loud, and they actually don't really care, Winston is probably not even home. And even if it is really time to go to sleep at this point, neither of them wants to. They both know their time together might end soon, and they want to make the most of this drunk night, too.

Not even bothering turning the lights on, they start dancing to an inexistent music in the living room. And it lasts a minute, until Jess abruptly stops and rushes to the bathroom. He is sure she is about to throw up, so he runs after her to help as soon as his brain registers the message. However, when he gets to the bathroom, she is nowhere to be seen.

"Jess?"

The next thing he knows is that he is being covered in some kind of oil that he is sure belongs to Schmidt. Because yes, he still takes showers there sometimes. Standing behind him, Jess squeezes the bottle until its entire content lands on his head, spreading it with her hands a little. She clearly doesn't care about what will happen when Schmidt finds out, and she clearly doesn't care about what kind of reaction this will elicit from Nick, either. She's laughing like crazy the entire time, while he just stands there, defenseless.

He then slowly turns around, not amused and with eyes closed. "Are you happy now?" he says. And she's still laughing from her prank, she had no idea she had it in her. "I'm very happy with the result, to be honest."

He wipes away the oil that threatens to creep inside his eyelids, and finally looks at her. Then he slowly walks past her, to the hallway, completely ignoring her. The confusion caused by the alcohol makes her wonder if that was really enough to get him angry and make all the fun end. But she doesn't want it to! She has to chase after him!

"Nick? Come on, I was just playing!"

He keeps ignoring her and goes straight to the kitchen. Or well, as straight as he can, considering his drunken state. He starts rummaging through the fridge, until he seems satisfied. She is behind him, wondering what is going on. "Nick? Are you really mad?" She is actually sorry at this point, but that only lasts a few seconds, just until he turns around and pours some milk on her beautiful hair, too.

She gasps in surprise and shuts her eyes closed. She cannot believe she fell for it so easily, and now it is his turn to laugh. "In all fairness, at least that's not sticky." He has such a smug face and he naively thinks they are even now, that it's over. But of course it's not. She spins around, instinctively gets the flour from the counter and drops it quickly on top of his head. She hates wasting any kind of food, but she is sure that if there was ever a good situation to do it, this would be one. The flour sticks to the oil on Nick's head, making a total mess and leaving the rest of his face white, together with his shoulders. She then runs away, knowing she might have gone too far, bumping into a few objects in the process.

"You are SO dead!" He is shouting now but, again, none of them really cares about the mess they are making and how loud they are being. He finally catches her when she's near her bedroom door, pushing her against the wall and trying to get the mess on his face on _her_ face. Or, well, whatever parts of her upper body he can reach with his head without being too inappropriate.

They are both laughing, they are almost hugging. But as he is practically feeling her with his face and head, they both realize that this is already very inappropriate, at least for two people who claim to be just friends. When they realize that, they both stop laughing, leaving their heavy breathing as the only audible sound in the dark room.

Their faces are only inches apart now, and it is exactly then that she pushes him a little, so he steps back. She is still smiling, she doesn't want to make things too awkward, but all she can think about at the moment is that she really cannot be his rebound. Another time, maybe yes, she would have had sex with him just for the sake of having sex with him, with no expectations. But she could not bear the thought of being the second choice right now. She would never recover from the heartbreak.

"Um... we should probably get cleaned up now." She snorts after saying that, and so does he. They are so ridiculous. They both head to the bathroom, a bit more sober now but not quite, until they ask themselves what they are doing. Like seriously, right now, in front of the bathroom door.

"I guess we cannot take a shower together," he says with a funny look, and she definitely agrees. But as they are both covered in oil, milk and flour, neither one of them really wants to wait for the other to shower, they have to do something about it now.

The most democratic thing, they decide, is to at least start washing their heads and faces in the sink and then actually shower later. And so they do. Still white and sticky, they both approach the sinks. She goes to the right one and puts some soap in her hand, and then a bit of it in his. The gesture reminds them both of all the times they brushed their teeth together and shared toothpaste. When they were still falling in love and would steal shy glances at each other. When they were together and would go to sleep in the same bed afterwards. And when they had to get used to being friends again, trying not to jump each other right there and then.

They both realize this might be the last time they are here together, and as they wipe away the dirt from their faces and heads, they get serious and pensive. For a moment there, they have no clue, but they really are on the same page for the first time in years.


	4. Chapter 4

**So, after watching "San Diego", I think it's pretty obvious they are not gonna go down this route. I mean *real* Jess is definitely hopeful, *this* Jess has a lot of doubts and questions Nick's feelings (as I am sure many of us have done this season, sadly). But yeah, I wanted to keep writing what I had in mind since the beginning, and I hope you find it plausible. I also hope you can find Nick's POV relatable, 'cause I definitely do. And yes, I'm planning to finish this before the finale airs, otherwise I am sure I will be heavily influenced.**

 **Again, thanks for the feedback! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. :)**

* * *

 **IV.**

Their heads are cold from the water and they both feel kind of sober now. He uses a red towel to dry his hair, and takes a white one for Jess. He gets closer to her when she is also done, and throws it playfully on her head. Nick very well knows he should just leave it there and let Jess do the job herself, like the big girl she is, but he can't help himself, so he moves his hands to the sides of her head and starts rubbing lightly, fixating his eyes on hers in the process.

Jess is totally smitten by the sweetness of this gesture, and she forgets for maybe too long about her plans, about her fears. Suddenly his hands on her do not feel threatening, and his heart does not feel distant. The smile appearing on her face is soft, free of any kind of worry.

"Thanks." Her voice is barely audible. Weak, as her knees.

Nick's hair is still wet, and drops of water are going on an adventure underneath his shirt. And yet, that is not why he's shivering. That is not why his breath is short. It's that he just can't stand it, the sight of her! Her dark hair is wet and sneaking out of the towel in locks, the make up on her eyes is a little smeared, her cheeks are as pink as usual. She is so sweet, and he wants her. He wants her now.

But _damn it_ , this is too much.

Instinctively, he lowers the towel on her eyes to cover them, as self-defense. The thing is, he needs a break from her. He needs a moment of privacy while he has a little internal panic attack. His eyes widen and he can feel it, it's just _back_. Not exactly wanting her, that's old news. As it's old news how affectionate he feels towards her. But it's the combination of both, affection and lust at the same time, in the same moment. _That_ 's what's freaking him out. _That_ 's forbidden.

"Nick?"

He can't see it, but her eyebrows are furrowed even though her lips are curving up.

"You should shower first," he says at last. Getting away and leaving her there, with a white towel on her head and two tingling hands at the end of her arms.

* * *

The knocking at the door startles her. Not that she is sleeping, 'cause she definitely can't right now. But she isn't expecting it all the same.

"...Come in?"

Nick opens the door slowly, and she starts sitting up.

"What's wrong?" She takes her glasses from the nightstand to look at him, to read his expression in the dark, but it's not easy. He turns up the light, and her eyes are immediately bothered by it. She groans.

"I need to talk to you, now," he says firmly. He definitely had a lot to think about while in the shower.

" _Now_? It's like 5 A.M., dude?"

"I know," he says while coming in, "but you told me we would talk about you moving out this evening and you haven't touched the subject once. Not even once. So I guess I have to force you into it." She looks away, knowing he's right, but also knowing she really needs some sleep right now.

"Nick, I really want to talk to you about it, I just didn't get the chance."

He raises his eyebrows and his hands, as if trying to show her that he is innocent even though he is about to shoot. "Look, is it possible that you maybe didn't _want_ to get the chance?"

She covers her face with her hands, she already has a headache. "Do we really have to do this now?"

"YES!" his answer is immediate, and frustrated. He points at the boxes that she has already filled with her stuff. "I mean what the hell are you doing, Jess? You are just making life-changing decisions in the span of a few days just like that? Without saying anything?"

"Well, I'm sorry if I take decisions by myself, Nick. I thought I had stopped asking for permission when I left my parents' house years ago."

He rolls his eyes. "Oh, come on!"

"What?!"

"Just tell me! Tell me what is happening! I mean why-", he takes up a weird elephant-shaped lamp from one of the boxes. "WHY is THIS here?! This stuff should just stay hidden in some corner, as it happens in the rooms of people who are NOT moving out!"

She gets up at that, she is getting annoyed. "That is actually one of my best creations."

"And what about THIS?" This time it's an 80's wig.

"That's actually a pretty fun story," she says amused, forgetting for a moment she is supposed to be mad at his outburst.

"Oh yea? Nice!" He approaches another box, this time next to the bed, near to where she is standing. "Oh, look! It's a rat!"

"WHAT?" she flinches.

"Just kidding, it's just nonsense, like all of this!" She sighs in relief, but then her nostrils are flaring up at his behavior.

He picks up another item. "Oh and what do we have here? A very ugly hat!"

She steps forward and snatches the object from his hands. "Are you done?"

"Are you?" he retorts. And he is so angry. His face is dark, his breathing uneven.

She's holding his gaze, defying him, and her hands are squeezing the hat he was criticizing just moments ago. She is sure now that she has made a mistake by waiting the entire day to talk to him, and she realizes there might never be a perfect moment to tell him, as she wished instead.

The warm feelings and the smiles have now given way to tightly tied knots and frowns, and she can't help but think that this is exactly why she should leave. She feels like joy can so easily turn to misery when she has to deal with this man, and she is tired of that. She is tired of how much her happiness actually depends on him. What she doesn't realize, though, is that he is mad exactly because his own happiness depends on her, as well. And she is acting like she doesn't care.

"Fine. I'll tell you." This is it, this has to happen now.

Nick's features soften a little, and he is almost scared. He is there, waiting for an answer, hoping he can make her change her mind afterwards.

"I'm leaving because of you," she says after a few moments. So his mind starts racing, he shakes his head, his eyes scrunch tight. "What?!"

She takes a deep breath, her eyes still defying. "Yes, Nick. You're the problem, this-" she points at him and then at her "is the problem."

He doesn't say anything, he is still not sure where this is going.

Her face is serious, so serious that it doesn't even look like Jessica Day. And she is saying it now, "I still love you." She is saying it firmly, like it's a matter of fact, pressing her lips together afterwards. And it's almost like she's saying "I hate you," because she kind of does at the moment. She hates that she is still there, after three years, pining over him. She hates that she is there at 5 in the morning having to tell him that she can't bear to live with him anymore. That this is too much for her. She hates him so much that she doesn't know if she wants to kiss him right now or bite him and make him bleed. That is just how much her feelings are overlapping.

She hates how he's swallowing at her words before what she assumes will be a full on rejection.

But Nick doesn't say anything. He simply stands there, shocked, with his eyes on hers. Then a frown appears on his forehead, and he looks around in the room, as if he is searching on the walls for an explanation of what is happening. But, well, there is none. So he shakes his head one more time, covers his face with his hands, and takes a deep breath.

All the while she is looking at him confused, thinking she would really like to know what is happening in his head. But then he is looking at her again, and he doesn't seem confused, nor helpless, nor sad, nor curious. He is mad. So... _awesome_ , she thinks, 'cause that's two of them.

"You still love me? Where the hell is this coming from?"

"Excuse me?" she raises her eyebrows and the ends of her mouth in disbelief.

He walks past her, then turns around, then comes back to her, but this time he is closer. "Yea! I mean, since when? How? And why exactly is this leading you to move out? How does that even make any sense?"

"Wellll _maybe_ because when you love someone, you really don't wanna see them with someone else."

"But I broke up with Reagan!"

"So?"

"What do you mean _so_? SO I ask you again, how does this even make any sense?"

She still has that stupid hat in her hands, and she could rip it right now. This is not how she imagined this moment. She thought they would be all cute and hug and she would forever keep the best memory of his best friend-turned to boyfriend-turned to ex-turned to best friend. But no, he is mad about this.

"Okay so I ask _you_ now, how should the fact that you broke up with Reagan affect any of my decisions? Like I can just, I don't know, come back to you and be your rebound. Uh, no thanks!" She waves her hands at him slightly and throws the hat away in the action. Then she walks past him and out of her room, she is definitely not getting any sleep tonight anyway.

He follows after her. "Oh you gotta be kidding me."

"Yes I am, Nick. All of this is a joke," she says sarcastically. "I am kidding you, at 5 AM, hungover, and I am having so much fun!" Jess is in the the kitchen now and opening the fridge to get her a glass of water. Her mouth is super dry from all the alcohol and, well, now the talking/yelling.

He puts his hands on the side of the kitchen island opposite to her, exasperated. He takes a deep breath. "So what you're saying is that you just wanted to get it off your chest," he says calmly, his turtle face making an appearance. She nods. "And so you just wanted to drop the bomb on me and leave, thinking it wouldn't affect me in any way."

She hesitates, then takes one big sip of water, then swallows. "Does it?"

And she is so scared to ask, because she never really wanted to let herself hope. But she is doing it now, she's doing it and she wants to stop doing it but she can't.

Nick walks around the kitchen island, then up to Jess until he's standing right in front of her. He takes a breath, then two, and then softly says: "Of course it does."

Some kind of force is pulling her closer to him now, but she fights it with all her might, and she knows that's for the best when she hears him say _but_. "But this is so sudden, and I had to stop myself from feeling that way about you a while ago," he says, and she can feel her eyes burning. She looks down and nods. "Yea, that's what I thought."

With her glass still in her hand, she turns away from him to walk back to her room. All the while she is avoiding his gaze for obvious reasons, but she is positive about the fact that if she just holds the tears back for a few more seconds, she will be able to go silently cry in her room without him noticing.

"Where are you going?" he calls after her, and he is frustrated because she is not making things easy for him, that is for sure.

She turns around and purses her lips, showing him her red eyes. "To my room, Nick. I think we've both said enough-"

"I haven't." His hands are not splayed over the island anymore, but curled up into fists. "You wanted this!"

"What are you talking about?"

"This, us. Being friends again. I was never enough for you, Jess!"

She is rolling her eyes now, she can't believe he's bringing this up again. She walks up to the island, angrily putting her glass down. They are both leaning forward on the longer sides, facing each other. "When? When have I ever said anything like that? You keep saying this to me, while all I do is support you and tell you you're great!"

"You broke up with me over this. _You_ broke up with _me_." He uses his hands to be more clear, as if that were necessary.

"That was mutual. _You,_ " she points at him, mimicking him, " _you_... also... broke up... with _me_." She separates each word to be more clear. Again, as if that were necessary. "If time travel were possible, then okay, we could both change facts and make you win this argument. But that is not possible, you cannot change facts."

"Time travel is actually technically possible," he retorts. She is not amused. "And I'm sorry, but I just went with the flow back then, and you know it," he adds. "I mean the thought of leaving you wouldn't even cross my mind, no matter our differences, but you were so sure! I didn't really have any choice!"

Jess brings both her hands to her forehead, as if trying to help her brain carry the heavy load of this conversation. "Why are we even arguing about this now? It's been three years."

"Because that's what we do, Jess, we argue!"

Her mouth is curving down. "Yea, we do," she says nodding. "We do and that is exactly why I should leave. I don't want this, Nick. I mean we are hungover and making big decisions about our relationship, we clearly haven't learnt much," she chuckles at the absurdity of all of this. "So um... I hope we can finally say this conversation is over." Her muscles relax a bit as she lets go of the argument, and of him.

Nick's mouth is open and dry. He's looking at her and he knows this is real, but he can't believe any of it. He might be tired but he is pretty sure an 'I love you' should not have this sort of follow-up, especially when he _knows_ , now, that that 'I love you' is so not one-sided. What the hell is wrong with them?

She scratches the right side of her nose a bit before she speaks again. "I'm leaving on Monday afternoon, I hope we can say goodbye properly before then."

And finally, she can go cry herself to sleep.

* * *

 **Thoughts? :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sooooo I'm sorry it took so long, I really wanted to update earlier, but I haven't been home at all these past few days. In the meantime, I gathered some ideas and then I wrote this all in a few hours. In fact I had said I really wanted to publish this chapter _before_ the season (please let it be just "season") finale. I feel a little silly posting this now, as the episode is just less than one hour away, but it's better this way. Otherwise I would have never done it.**

 **I'm not that satisfied with it, because I wrote it in a hurry and I think it shows (so maybe I'll edit it just a bit in the next few days, I'm sure there are a lot of mistakes), but what's done is done. I wanted this to be the last chapter, but I guess I might write another one just to make myself more satisfied with the whole thing.**

 **Also thanks again for the reviews! I'm sorry to answer to one in particular that I'll probably won't write any M rated chapter. I know, I feel you, I love this stuff too. I just... simply cannot write that! ^^ But who knows, maybe in the future.**

 **So yea, here's this rushed chapter, just nonsense 45 minutes before the real finale blows everyone's minds. Cheers!**

* * *

 **V.**

There are only a few things in Nick's life that ended just the way he wanted. As a teenager, he managed to finish his guitar classes just the way he wanted, being able to play some of his favorite songs. In college, he ended his studies just the way he wanted, proud of what he had accomplished with the bar exam, and eager to move to the next challenge in life. In 2014, he managed to finish a videogame in less than 24 hours, he felt like he was being very productive.

But there are other things, many other things, that did not end just the way he wanted. He does not like the way he ended the high school years, because he lost contact with most of his friends. He does not like how he could not bake a cake properly the first time he tried as a child. And he does not like the way his book ends.

Yes, he likes his book very much, and he would never admit there is something about it that leaves him frustrated, but there is. And he noticed only a few days ago.

He is pondering about his overall frustration about it, as he absent-mindedly walks through the aisles of the supermarket, looking for something to soothe his pain. He has just woken up after four hours of sleep, and he is still hungover after last night, but this has never stopped him from looking for more alcohol. Through the lenses of his sunglasses, he spots a few six-packs of his favorite beer on one of the shelves, and proceeds to grab them. He does not feel very much as an adult when he has only beers in his cart and very few things to eat in the fridge, but this is not the time to care.

He is approaching the checkout queue when he recognizes her, Jessica Day, waiting in line herself. She is wearing a random t-shirt he has never seen, and he wonders if she also couldn't care less about how she looked like when she woke up this morning. If she was feeling just as sad as him. He doesn't know what to say to her, so he simply keeps his mouth shut. Running away from Jess seems like the easiest thing to do, as Mrs. Confidence is not available at the moment.

He notices she is buying a lot of ice cream, which makes him feel okay for buying only beer. He also notices she is getting impatient, as there are a lot of people waiting in line. She taps her feet on the floor as she turns around a little, taking a look at the supermarket walls as if they were the most interesting thing at the moment. Then her heads abruptly stops, as she is facing him, and he realizes she has probably seen him. She is wearing sunglasses as well, so he is really not that sure, and all he can think about is that they both look totally ridiculous.

Nick would like to smile at her, show her all his teeth, but he doesn't. He keeps his mouth shut instead, and attempts a very faint smile. She doesn't. "Hey," is all she says to him, and he is really having a hard time trying to understand if she is mad, sad, or just plain indifferent.

Suddenly, they hear some noise coming from one of the aisles. It seems like someone managed to make a good amount of canned beans fall on top of his head, and got hurt in the process. They look at the clumsy man, who is now being helped by a stock clerk, before looking at each other and laughing.

"I guess it is time to go take a bath!"

They both exclaim the line at the same time, and then laugh again. It is just amazing how they always know what the other is thinking, and what they are both thinking about right now is the "supermarket scene" in _The Pepperwood's Chronicles_.

He loves that she gets the references to the book like no one else. He loves how she knows gets _him_ like no one else.

He waits there, for her to say something else and break the ice. But then she just stops laughing, turns around again, and goes back to waiting.

* * *

They (still) live together, so they have to endure the awkwardness of the way home together. She is walking the entire time a step ahead of him, avoiding him. What she really cannot avoid, however, is being next to him when he gets into the elevator after her. She regrets not taking the stairs.

They are both still wearing their sunglasses, masking their circled eyes and their true feelings at the same time.

He is looking at her out of the corner of his eye, and his whole body is itching. He wants to be next to her. He already is, sure, but he wants to be closer, touch her. He wants to stop the elevator and make out with her, make love to her. Leave the ice cream melt on the floor until they are done. But she was pretty clear, she doesn't want this. She loves him, but so did she three years ago. She wants to move on, and maybe it's for the best. So he just waits for the doors to open, and then they both exit.

His mind goes back to the end of his book, to the "elevator scene", where his main character gives up on his job as detective forever.

* * *

She is taking a stroll in the park on the next day, the day she is leaving the loft forever. She has everything set and only has to wait for the moving company to pick up her stuff and move it to the new apartment, the one she managed to get so fast thanks to one of Cece's powerful friends.

She is lying on the grass when he calls her, and she is panicking again. Can't she just get a break from this?

She rejects the call, and a few seconds he is calling her again. Annoyed, she picks up.

"Yes?"

"Hey, Jess, sorry to bother you but I need to talk to you." He is walking around his room, excited.

"Look, Nick, later. I have stuff to do right now." She doesn't.

"Hold on hold on hold on. Don't hang up please. I need to tell you something."

She sighs a little and stays silent, waiting for him to go on.

"Are you still there?"

"Yes, tell me."

And so he tells her how he got an interview with a publisher later in the day, someone who is actually interested in his book, someone who believes in Pepperwood. He is freaking out but he is super happy at the same time, and he cannot think of anybody else to share this moment with.

Her initial frustration gives way to joy, she would never not be happy for him. And then he is asking her: "Would you come with me?"

She hesitates, she wonders if this is the right thing to do for her. She wonders if doing this for him and spending time with him like this will not make her hope again for something she cannot and should not have.

"Jess?"

"I'm sorry, Nick. The moving company is coming in the afternoon, I cannot make it." She hates herself as she says it, and he hates himself for not trying harder. His heart is breaking, again. Even though it seems it's not possible anymore, she keeps breaking it.

"Just… don't leave." His voice is lacking strength, lacking confidence.

"Why?" she asks him, and he can hear the sounds of his guts twisting inside of him. And he doesn't know the answer, because really, _why_ should she stay? Because he has so much to offer? Because he can make her happy? Because he loves her?

"I don't know, just don't." He is leaning his head against the door of his room now, his eyes closed. But what he is saying is not enough, and they both know that.

"Um, look. I gotta go," she says, and he is absolutely sure that this is it, that she will be gone forever once he is done with the interview, and that's the way this whole story, their story, will end. Not exactly the way he wanted.

But Jessica Day has a big heart, and that heart does not totally belong to her. So there she is, a couple of hours later, at the place of the meeting. She sees him walking back and forth near the building where the publisher is waiting for him. She walks up to him, and when he sees her, his face lights up.

"Ready?" she asks him.

Her smile is bright and he thinks she must have had some sort of epiphany, that she must have somehow changed her mind. She is so cheerful, she has probably decided to stay. And for a moment, he is sure his heart stops working.

They walk closer to the door next to each other then, but Nick really is not ready for this. He is pretty sure his liver has somehow made its way into his throat, and his stomach is probably disintegrating or something.

Jess can see he is nervous now, that he is sweating, that he is second guessing himself like he always does. She wonders then if she should just hold his hand and tell him that nothing will go wrong, that his book is amazing, but he does it first. His fingers brush a little on the back of hers at first, until he moves them around to take her right hand in his left one. He squeezes tight.

She tilts her head to look at him, and he is looking at her too, forcing a smile.

"You can do it," she says smiling. "It's gonna be awesome."

"Yea, I can do this. Yea. I can. I can." She can feel his hand sweat in hers. Suddenly, she lets go of it and moves in front of him, putting her hands on his shoulders. He has his eyes closed now, taking deep breaths, one after the other.

"Seriously, Nick. You have nothing to worry about, you're great! I believe in you."

He opens his eyes again to look at her. She is just as sweet as usual, as amazing as usual. So he nods nervously, counts to five, and walks past her and into the building.

She looks at him as he gets in, and she is _so_ proud of him. And she knows he is not _hers_ , that she should not feel like this, but for a few seconds she likes to think that he is. That they have this connection, that they both feel it, that she can give him strength.

She is about to turn around when he comes back in a rush. He forcefully takes her head between his hands and she has a tiny heart attack because well, what is happening? But it is not frightening, it is not alarming, it feels just right. His lips land on her forehead, lingering there for one or two seconds. He then pulls away, smiling at her. And he is saying it with his eyes, before he leaves again.

 _Thank you_.

* * *

He is sitting in this very cool room. Walls white, furniture minimalist. The sunlight is shining through the wide windows, which are giving him a great view. He feels comfortable now, after a good thirty minutes, he knows everything is going well. He feels confident.

Until he doesn't.

Looking out the window, he sees Jess getting into her car. He thinks that maybe she wants to sit down, that she will wait there until the interview. But then the car starts moving, his jaw drops, and his brain starts fuming. He swallows in shock. He realizes now she had never changed her mind, that she was never going to wait for him, that she was going to leave him anyway.

"And what can you tell me about the ending?"

"Uh?" He is brought back to the interview by the question, but he really is not there anymore. His brain has evaporated.

"The ending, do you think it's fine? I mean don't get me wrong, I like it, but there was something missing there."

Nick looks at the publisher, and he is lost for a few seconds. He shifts in his seat a little, trying to gain some time to recover from the previous shock and start functioning again.

"Uh, yea. I know what you mean, but it's just… you know, Pepperwood is this very insecure man after all. He is very good at what he does, but he uh…" he can't find the words. What would Jess say? "…He risks everything, and he gets what he wants, but he is so human and… he just doesn't think being a detective is what is right for him. You know, after the airport accident…"

"Yes, I know. That was _so_ great as well. I loved it, and you can see just how vulnerable this character can be."

"Exactly." Nick nods at the publisher's words, trying to look like he knows what he is talking about, when in reality he would just like to jump out the window and die.

"But you know, don't you think maybe a positive ending would be more appropriate? This book is for young people after all. We should give them more hope maybe, teach them that doubting oneself is not the way to go. You know, that shit like, 'follow your dreams!'"

"Yea, totally," he says nonchalantly, but he really is in pain. What are they really talking about? Where is Jess? What is he doing? What is What is Pepperwood doing at the end of the book?

He suddenly knows the publisher is right, that is not how the story should end. He stands up, while the publisher gives him a puzzled look.

"Look, I'm sorry. I have something to do like... Right. Now."

"What?"

"You're right! Pepperwood is stupid at the end, he is great at investigating, his clients are happy with him. He is good at it, he really is good enough!"

He is staring at the distance, breathing heavily, his hands on his hips.

"What the hell is happening?"

"Nothing, man. Look, please, I have to go _now_ , I have to fix something, I have to fix Pepperwood's ending!"

And with that, he just leaves the office, running.

* * *

Out of breath, he gets in his car and starts dialing Jess' number, hoping she will pick up. She doesn't. He starts the car, and even though he shouldn't while driving, he tries four times more. He then hears her voice, finally.

"Hello?"

"Jess!" he almost screams her name, but he is not really in control of his emotions right now.

"Listen," he says, "should he go back to work?"

"What?" she is in Nick's room, saying goodbye to it, and she can't believe what she's hearing.

"Pepperwood! Should he go back to work?"

And suddenly she knows what he is talking about. She laughs at the reference, especially because he sounds so damn serious right now.

"So?"

"Sorry, Nick. This is just too funny."

"Just answer, Jess!"

"Yes! He should go back to work, if that's what he wanted to do all along. That ending is kinda heartbreaking." And it is, because in the book Pepperwood never comes back to his office, leaving there all his belongings, all his memories. He goes back to the building of his working place, stares at the elevator for a few minutes, then gives up on his one true love forever.

Nick waits a few seconds before speaking again. "I know why you shouldn't leave," he says then, and her heart sinks. "Because you make me feel like that, like Pepperwood on his missions. You are the only one that makes me feel something, and the only person I would risk everything for."

She is pretty sure she needs an oxygen mask right now. Like, what? What is he saying? Is he serious? Is he drunk?

"Jess? Did you get it? Don't leave."

"Yes." She pronounces the word so lightly that she is not sure if he can hear it. But he can, because that is all his ears were waiting to hear.

Without saying another word, and trying not to get himself killed on the streets while talking on the phone, he hangs up.

* * *

When Nick was eleven years old, he decided he would never run in his life. Not on purpose at least. He would go to school and feel like dying during the PE class. There was something in running in circles that made him extremely uncomfortable. His limbs would get hot, his breath short, and all for what? Just running in circles, again and again, because the teacher said to. So he simply avoided doing it his entire life, using the activity to just ease the tension every time he would freak out about something. The pain would help him focus on his body and not on his thoughts, in a weird attempt to feel one type of pain in order to erase the other.

Now, as he gets inside the building, he knows this run is different. He is not running in circles like when he was eleven, he is trying to get somewhere. He is trying to get past his fears. He is trying to get to her.

She sees his car from the window of her now empty room and starts rushing out of the apartment. The elevator seems to be busy, so she figures it's just easy to take the stairs. And it feels like the steps leading her to him are just too many, it feels like it's been too much. Like it's been too long.

What she doesn't know is, she is not running towards him. In fact, he is now upstairs, opening the loft door.

"Jess?! Where are you?!"

He looks for her in every room, clearly in vain. He then gets to her room and looks out the window, and he sees the moving truck. _What the…?_

He goes back downstairs, jumps over a few things, including a dog. And he is like, okay, he can really be athletic when motivated. But he realizes his efforts were useless when he sees she is not where she was standing a couple of minutes ago. He is about to get his phone from his pocket when he sees she is already calling him.

"Jess? Where the hell are you?"

"Me? Where the hell are _you_!"

"I'm downstairs!"

"I'm upstairs! Okay. Stay there."

The phone goes mute, leaving him with a puzzled look and his turtle face. So he starts running back again and into the building, getting to the elevator, which is busy again.

And then the doors open, and she is there, all giddy and smiley. And he feels dizzy, he has to gasp for air. Because even though he tried to prepare for this moment in the past thirty minutes, she still takes his breath away.

"Hey, Miller."

"Hey."

Jess sees the way he is looking at her, and there is no doubt in her mind anymore. He really is _back_ , he really is there for her, as she is for him.

And then he slowly walks into the elevator, letting the doors close behind him. They stare at each other for a few moments, and they both can't stop smiling from ear to ear. He then takes one step, then two, until she is standing just a few inches away from him. Both his hands rise to hold her face, and he looks at her lips.

She is expecting his lips on her any moment now, but he surprises her by directing them to her nose first. Then to her cheek, to her neck, to her chin, her other cheek. He gets more and more impatient for her lips in the process, but he simply wants to savor the moment just as much as he can.

Her hands go to his hips, tugging a little at his jacket, trying to get closer.

They stop breathing for a second or two, and they have no idea when they start doing it again. Their lips press together after what feels like a lifetime, and they both are so dizzy they could just collapse on each other. Their tongues meet again, and it seems impossible, but they have never been so right for each other. Their bodies are on fire, and at the same time they are like air. They cannot feel anything but they feel everything at the same time. It makes sense and it doesn't. Their mind is there and it isn't.

He slows the kiss a bit, then gradually leaves her mouth by placing small and pure kisses on her lips again. They both open their eyes, realizing the elevator has not moved since he stepped in.

"Maybe we should go upstairs," she says, smiling. She cannot believe this is happening.

He pushes the button to get back to their floor, to their loft, and he goes back to her to kiss her again. It is more urgent this time, it is more desperate, as they both realize just how much time they have waited for it. When they finally get to their floor, he picks her up, as she readily wraps her legs around him.

She breaks away from the kiss and starts hugging him while he carries her back to the loft. She is pulling his hair a little and breathing into his neck, feeling his breath on hers.

"Just so we're clear, I love you too," he speaks the words right into her ear. And the way he says this is just so grumpy, so _him_. As if it were obvious, as if it should have been clear to her the whole time. As if he cannot really understand why all of this has not happened sooner.

"I know."

And there are only a few things in Nick's life that ended the way he wanted. But as he kisses her, as he undresses her, and as he swallows her gasps… he just knows. Unlike Pepperwood in front of the elevator, this time he got it just right.


End file.
